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 Rest In Peace

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akingthomas100
PENCIL PUSHER (26-50 posts)
PENCIL PUSHER (26-50 posts)
akingthomas100

Posts : 32
Age : 44
Join date : 2011-10-05
Location : Mobile, Alabama

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PostSubject: Rest In Peace   Rest In Peace EmptyFri Oct 14, 2011 7:44 pm

Lord,

You call on every man to depart from earth.
Then, Only the body is laid to rest, underneath the dirt.
We know all men will have their days,
But this man; his life was so full of praise!
We know you called him to a better home,
And still, it hurts a loved one to see him gone.
It was so much of his last words to hear him say,
Hoping and praying that he would go to a special place.
He was announced on this earth by the one above,
And for all the respect, he gave much of his love.
He was heading down the road in the wrong lane,
Yes! We thank YOU lord, for taking away his pain!
For no one really knows why he had to pass,
But it was this day that you chose to give him peace.
At last!
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outgoing102
NEW KID ON THE BLOCK (0-5 Posts)
NEW KID ON THE BLOCK (0-5 Posts)
outgoing102

Posts : 1
Join date : 2011-10-18

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PostSubject: Re: Rest In Peace   Rest In Peace EmptyTue Oct 18, 2011 3:12 pm

:) Very lovely, thanks
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Lora
SITE ADMINISTRATOR
SITE ADMINISTRATOR
Lora

Posts : 5907
Age : 53
Join date : 2011-07-26
Location : Southern CA

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PostSubject: Re: Rest In Peace   Rest In Peace EmptyTue Oct 18, 2011 3:28 pm

Very beautiful. It's like a healing balm. Here's a couple of small suggestions:

For this line:
Then, Only the body is laid to rest, underneath the dirt.
Consider taking off the ending, "underneath the dirt," it still makes sense and takes out a few unneeded, extra words.

In this line:
It was so much of his last words to hear him say,
Consider taking out "so much of"

In this line:
Hoping and praying that he would go to a special place.
consider taking out the word "that"

In this line:
He was announced on this earth by the one above,
Consider capitalizing "One" to make it clear it is referencing the Lord

In this line:
Yes! We thank YOU lord, for taking away his pain!
Capitalize "Lord"

In this line:
But it was this day that you chose to give him peace.
consider taking out the word "that"



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Rest In Peace Empty
PostSubject: Re: Rest In Peace   Rest In Peace Empty

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Rest In Peace
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