Where I've Been

through thick and thin, out and in
where im going, where ive been
whats right is right, wrong is wrong
and i sing the same old song
woe is me, how can it be?
can there be some good in me?
inside out, pass blame about
my head is filled, nagging doubt
hope is dashed, my life has flashed
before my eyes, i have crashed
into a wall, now i fall
to the heavens my voice calls
where are you now? looking down?
please save me before i drown
my answer came, pouring rain
the irony causing pain
through the fear, breath in my ear
as my heart breaks i hear
"through thick and thin, out and in
where you are, is where ive been..."

.

I like the overall message of this piece.
I'd advise to cape the 'I'ves 'I's and so on' and also the first letter of each new line.

my head is filled, nagging doubt
maybe add 'with before nagging ' My head is filled with nagging doubts.'

whats right is right, wrong is wrong
'What's right is right, what's wrong is wrong.'

my answer came, pouring rain
'My answer came like pouring rain.'

through the fear, breath in my ear
'Through the fear breathed in my ear.'

Other then those few things this is a really nice piece, and of course you don't have to make any of the changes, it's just a suggestion. :)

especially loved this:
"through thick and thin, out and in
where you are, is where ive been..."

Peace.

thanks to both of you for your comments!

christianonfire- alot of times i will capitalize (I, I'm, I've etc), but i think my aim was more to minimalize self (note the tone)

also,
my answer came, pouring rain
'My answer came like pouring rain.'

through the fear, breath in my ear
'Through the fear breathed in my ear.'

i agree that both of these adjustments would work, but i was going for the literal...

thanks again! nothing is better than input!!!

Glad I could help. :)

I should have added that I liked how you tied the first verse to the ending very clever play on words and effective.
I will also add that I do not feel even remotely qualified to critique anyone's work, better left to those more educated and tutored than I.
This site is replete with those who have that particular gift and provide a great resource for us all.
Peace again.

i agree. i think i have a lonnnnnng way to go before i even feel comfortable trying to critique. im too harsh on myself to even try...

Most people who read poetry have never been educated in poetry, much less attended even one formal class in poetry. However, they do know what they like and what sounds good them and what doesn't. Please take it from someone who has been formally educated in literature and poetry that even laymen, maybe especially laymen, have a lot to offer. Academics tend to over think things, whereas, the general public is who is reading your work. Please do not be shy in offering your opinions. Whether you think so or not, you are all very talented in your own rights and have a lot to offer others on this site. It is up to them to take it or leave it. God Bless you all!