A Box Full of Pipe Dreams

A Box Full of Pipe Dreams
“You have GOT to be kidding!!”, Kim silently cried under her breath. “Just how many more things will I find…”? She opened the last box one more time...

There was the razor he used every day that she had found three days…after... She remembered how gruff his face would feel within hours of shaving. She used to tease him and tell him that he must be a ‘real manly man’, because no matter how much he shaved, it was always five o’clock on his face. She remembered the time he tried to grow a beard and the pitiful look of shame on his face when he realized, one side would never quite grow in – just a little hair around a baby smooth circular patch on his left side. And she especially remembered the one time that he had talked her into letting him shave her legs. There had been a lot of giggling, a few razor nicks, and then there had been the water all over the bathroom, but she hadn't minded the two hours it had taken her to clean up the mess. That was such a good memory…

There was the box full of letters she had found hidden in the back of his closet six days…after…. It had taken her a good part of four months to get through them all. Oh how she had loved writing to him! She imagined his face lighting up at each and every word every time she placed the freshly stamped envelope into the mailbox on the corner. That had been before email, before Skyping and LONG before cell phones. She remembered that they had never found his cell phone…that day. Who knew that he had treasured those letters for years… They brought back such wonderful memories…

There was the pipe she had found buried in his dresser two weeks….after… She remembered the first time she had realized he enjoyed a pipe, and how embarrassed and worried he had been at her discovery. They had been married for less than twenty-four hours, and she caught him on the balcony to their hotel room, long after he thought she was sound asleep. Strangely, because she had never slept beside a man before, her heart missed him when she rolled over and realized there was a void. Oh how he had stammered and stumbled for the words, only to realize that she wasn't mad. He had swept her up in his arms, and carried her off the patio quickly retracing her steps back to bed. She remembered how sweet he smelled that time, how tender that moment with him had been. That was a memory that would last a long long time…

There was the baby blanket she had found in his things in the garage one month…after. It had been hand crocheted by her dear mother-in-law when she had found out she was pregnant the first time. Little did they know then that children just weren't meant to be in their future, although they tried many times after that first failed attempt. She learned not to tell people if she didn't make it past her first trimester, so most people never knew just how many times they had suffered that heartbreak. She used to let herself imagine the blonde hair that any child of theirs would surely have. The blonde hair that always seemed to have a curly mind of its own. The blonde hair that felt like silk when she entwined it in her fingers. The blonde hair that had been covered in blood when she saw him that fateful day. She imagined them with sparkling blue eyes they would most definitely be blessed with. The eyes that could capture the heart of anyone, make them feel safe, secure, and protected. The eyes that expressed love in depths she had never known possible. The eyes that cried in pain with her each and every time they had gotten the bad news. The eyes that would never look at hers again. That was a painful memory…

There were the plane tickets she found out about two months…after… The travel agency had called looking for him. At first the sweet perky agent on the other end didn't want to disclose why she was calling. Apparently Conrad had booked a surprise romantic week away for their twentieth anniversary. The poor young lady was as much of a mess as Kim was when she had to tell her what had happened…

How do you explain to a complete stranger just what happened? She tried to put into words how he had heard someone screaming in obvious terror and pain the night they had ventured downtown to celebrate his promotion. She sobbed remembering how he had jumped out of the car and down the side street without a second thought. Her voice trembled as she remembered hearing the shots…

And then time seemed to stop for a moment.. The seconds ticked by so slowly in her mind. A replaying of the events, like some horrible B movie that got dumped to the floor.

Tick…She had run screaming with all her might, as if the mere volume of the sound would stop the bleeding..

Tick…She had raced hoping that the quick pounding of her feet would help his heart continue to beat.

Tick…her heart knew, before she even reached his side that he was gone.

Tick…the crowds gathered as she rocked his lifeless body in her lap, not caring that her beautiful dress was stained beyond repair.

Tick…She didn’t remember much after that…

Those were the ticking memories she wanted to forget…

A tear slowly rolled down her cheek, as she boxed up what she hoped would be the last of his things.

People said she would forget, that time would heal, and that she would find happiness again. She couldn’t imagine her life without him. Twenty years seemed like mere moments. Taking the pipe out of the box, she sat it on her dresser. Some things were meant to be more than memories…

Sniff. Even though I knew what was coming you managed to deliver that with a powerful punch. Love the "tick"! It made my heart leap with each one. Great writing trick. It's almost poetic. Yet again, superb work! I can picture this as a movie. There's a lot of room for play here.

Hello Lora! It kind of came very quickly to me.. like ticks... I think I wrote in in under an hour.. but the scenes were just there...and I JUST HAD to get it on paper.. very weird.. I am SO glad you liked it.. you always make me smile!

The "tick" was extremely effective!
So sad, though very well written.
This hit me very hard for some reason?
Maybe it's loss? Grief in general, i don't know?
Their was a kid on my old block growing up, we used to tease...called him "grease monkey."
He eventually became a very well known and sort after auto-mechanic, we became friends. After some years he got married had a child/family and opened a garage in town.
One day a robber held up the gas station at gunpoint, Eddie gave chase and collapsed.
He didn't realize he'd been shot, 22 caliber straight to the heart; just kept running almost caught him.
It was sad, he was very well liked, really nice guy who helped everyone...died young,
early twenties?
Now i know what i felt when i read this, didn't remember till i started typing.
This happened in the early eighties.
It was really senseless and i had forgotten about it till i read this.
Thank you, now i will remember to pray for his soul and his family:)

oh Eagle.. Although you describe exactly the emotion I was going for in the reader, it still makes ME sad that I brought back such a painful memory for you.. I am overjoyed, however, that it reminded you to pray for his family.. I think there is someone like this in almost everyone's life. Isn't it strange what will elicit such a strong reaction..?! I will include YOU in my prayers today! HUGS!

Oh no, actually all recovered memories are a good thing, another piece from the 'lost' files.
They are gaps in memory being filled.
When that happens i feel more whole as if at one time i had actually existed and it wasn't all just a disturbing dream...LOL!
An opportunity to re-study and learn where all the wrong turns were, you see it's a bit of a domino effect...in reverse.
But this time as an objective observer!