This Last Month Has Changed Me

The mind can store and hold much knowledge, with that comes the gamete of every type of emotion you can imagine.
We never imagine having to loose people you love and are dear to your heart. And to loose two in less than a two week period plays with the mind. On top of that my mother being in the hospital and then having a heart cath the same week, it has been a whirlwind of trying to maintain. In the mist of these events, my co-workers boyfriend shot and killed himself. A dear friend lost her daughter tragically, and the doctors have confirmed that dads cancer is to advanced for the new radiation they were thinking he could try.
With all this happening to one person you wonder how much more can you bear, how much more can you face, how much more can you maintain. You ask yourself when is the exhale going to come.
Then in that moment, the moment when you want to hide, the moment when you want to run, the clouds open up and through it is that glimmer of a rainbow that brings back a well of sunshine. We are reminded of his love, his grace, his wonder, his glory and the fact that he is holding on to you right now. That he is your exhale. That he is holding your hand. That he is the glimmer of hope. And so, we exhale. Exhale into his word. Exhale into his kingdom. Exhale into the peace that passes all understanding. Exhale into the knowing there is a better place and one day by his grace and our commitment we will make it. Heb. 6:19 says " we have this hope as an anchor for our souls, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain...
And so there we find comfort. His word is always real, always there and always on time. The gratitude that is felt with release is a gratitude that reminds us that in his perfect time he brings to us exactly what we need.
Even with the trials, there still remain blessings. Blessed to have life, blessed to have a good job, blessed to have wonderful friends, blessed to have the gift of my parents and the fact that through it all they still fight.
Life is a lesson everyday as long as you are open to it. This past month I have learned that I am not in control, that openness brings refreshing, that being real helps you heal. That allowing friends in and sharing who you really are builds closer bonds. This has been my reality.
When we look inside ourselves what do we see. Do we have walls up around us to protect us from hurt and harm. Do we have a way of keeping people at arms length as a protective shield. Do we only allow people in to a certain point were they never see the real you. Well, all these have run through my mind as it has been a time of coping. My faith has been tested, my feelings have been hurt, have felt like I failed, and that tempter who tries his hardest to take you out was knocking at the door.
Grateful, it was clear not to open that door, grateful there was another knocking harder and with love and compassion. Grateful the protector provides the words we need to carry us through. Through reflection, being reminded daily of his presence, daily prayer, and his truth in the end is all we need. Even knowing this to be true doesn't always seem to be our first thought. Where do we run when it gets to much to handle. Are we falling on our knees, are we crying out to him, are we truly believing he is there and he is holding on to us ever so tightly. Through this month I have come to a deeper faith, though joy was robbed it is now coming back, as doubt was felt it has been renewed.
Family is so important. Friends should be cherished. And when friends and family blend it is a sweet blessing. I thank the Connie Grenwauld's of this world who took the time to visit mother and spend time with her. I thank the Alicia Boyce's who serve a need unexpectedly just because of her loving gentle heart. I thank the Jason Schroeder's who without knowing encourage my father by dropping him a line to say it was good to see you Mr. Brimage. I thank the Katryna Ly's who call everyday to just pray and make sure you are alright. I thank the Lu & Hollie Foster's who protect me all the time no matter what. Who make sure I am doing okay with my medicine regime and help me remember to get my refills cause my brain is in baby fog. These are the ones who through this month have been steady friends and loving support. Relationships matter, I will say it again. Resolve what may need to be resolved. Fix what may be broken and mend differences with family and friends. Life is not promised. This was never more evident to me than this month. Love one another deeply. Remember the sacrifice of Christ and allow it to lead you through every area of life, including resolve.