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 And So We Exhale

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PENCIL PUSHER (26-50 posts)
PENCIL PUSHER (26-50 posts)

Posts : 50
Age : 54
Join date : 2013-07-04
Location : Colorado
Charity : Hope Worldwide

And So We Exhale Empty
PostAnd So We Exhale

It has been some time since my last pen. With all that has been going on it has been hard to put into words all that has taken place.
The mind can store and hold much knowledge, with that comes the gamete of every type of emotion you can imagine.
Dad's cancer has progressed. It has now spread to his spleen, ribs, and the newest is his brain. This is the time I have been praying my brothers would step up and come to town. Grateful my little brother has now come a few times. My brother from Washington has now come to town and he took on the task of as he put it going to the funeral home and picking the right plot, plan and casket as well as the food for the reception. This is our reality. This is our world. This is what is real and happening for my family at this time.
With all that is happening to one person you wonder how much more can you bear, how much more can you face, how much more can you maintain. You ask yourself when is the exhale going to come.
Then in that moment, the moment when you want to hide, the moment when you want to run, the clouds open up and through it is that glimmer of a rainbow that brings back a well of sunshine. We are reminded of his love, his grace, his wonder, his glory and the fact that he is holding on to you right now. That he is your exhale. That he is holding your hand. That he is the glimmer of hope. And so, we exhale. Exhale into his word. Exhale into his kingdom. Exhale into the peace that passes all understanding. Exhale into the knowing there is a better place and one day by his grace and our commitment we will make it. Heb. 6:19 says " we have this hope as an anchor for our souls, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain...
And so there we find comfort. His word is always real, always there and always on time. The gratitude that is felt with release is a gratitude that reminds us that in his perfect time he brings to us exactly what we need.
Even with the trials, there still remain blessings. Blessed to have life, blessed to have a good job, blessed to have wonderful friends, blessed to have the gift of my parents and the fact that through it all they still fight.
Life is a lesson everyday as long as you are open to it. This past month I have learned that I am not in control, that openness brings refreshing, that being real helps you heal. That allowing friends in and sharing who you really are builds closer bonds. This has been my reality.
When we look inside ourselves what do we see. Do we have walls up around us to protect us from hurt and harm. Do we have a way of keeping people at arms length as a productive shield. Do we only allow people in to a certain point were they never see the real you. Well, all these have run through my mind as it has been a time of coping. My faith has been tested, my feelings have been hurt, have felt like I failed, and that tempter who tries his hardest to take you out was knocking at the door.
Grateful, it was clear not to open that door, grateful there was another knocking harder and with love and compassion. Grateful the protector provides the words we need to carry us through. Through reflection being reminded daily of his presence, daily prayer, and his truth in the end is all we need. Even knowing this to be true doesn't always seem to be our first thought. Where do we run when it gets to much to handle. Are we falling on our knees, are we crying out to him, are we truly believing he is there and he is holding on to us ever so tightly. Through this month I have come to a deeper faith, though joy was robbed, the joy of family is stronger than ever, as doubt was felt it has been renewed.

Content: a word that is not commonly spoken, but one that appears in our lives on a continuous basis. What are we being content in. Our life situations, our family dynamics, our jobs. The list could go on. Being content in every situation does not come easily. Scripture talks about being content in every situation. easily spoken, not easily performed.
We can sometimes mix content thinking we are and yet when we think more about it we are merely excepting the situation. Though we are excepting we are not being content. They hold different meaning. The end result of either one of these looks different as well.
So, herein lies the question: How do we become content and what does that look like. I ask myself, are you content with the situation with your father or are you excepting. The truth of it is that, though it is not clear, what I know for sure is that I would give anything for this to be different and for the situation to not be an active part of our lives. And yet, yesterday, today and tomorrow it will remain. We will continue to face the progression of a cancer that is no longer curable. We will face a cancer that has begun to take over other parts of my fathers's body. We will deal with more hospital visits, more sleepless nights, more fear, more tears and more being strong for one another. all of this does not make for contentment. It doesn't even make for excepting.
Then, I am reminded of the sacrifice of Christ, of his love, his commitment. Thinking about him giving up his life so that we may have the opportunity to live a life with him and not separated from him is what allows for content and excepting.

As with each blog I say again, strive to be kind to one another. Resolve differences, work through what is causing you to not be in a good place with one another. Love your family. Make the most of every opportunity you are gifted to be with them. Do not allow time to pass and not say what needs to be said, time is too short. Do all you can to treat each other with the love of Christ. Friendships are treasures, they are gifts, they are bonuses from God and they are not promised. Do your best to live in peace and not allow time to pass holding onto a grudge. What I know for sure is that grudges divide, they cause division and leave room for the tempter to get in there and mess things up. We all fall short, we all make mistakes, fix them and move forward with he love of Christ in your heart. Harmony is a wonderful feeling and allows for lasting memories.

This is my heart today...
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