My testimony

I had gotten saved and became a born again Christian at the age of 18, accepting Jesus as my personal . I was smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol , mostly 3 beers a night for 3 months at a time. I was living with a vey compassionate family member at the time, for I was a runaway. My parents knew I was there and knew I was ok. I was the rebellious type and I always had issues making friends. When I did have a friend, I ended up making them my enemy. At the time, I was naive and always blamed the other person for whatever went wrong . I began to start hating people. I was about 25 years old when I prayed to God to deliver me from alcohol , in which I needed to be delivered twice from that poison. I have stayed away from it and to this day at 37 years old, I can't stand the sight of a beer can. Praise God!! At age 19 I became really depressed from situations I couldn't cope with in my life. I began to turn on everyone, isolating myself from a world that I felt I never belonged in. Hurting and broken I thought maybe witchcraft and demonic forces might be my friend, of course, pushing God away because I blamed Him and thought He too had turned against me. I always felt since childhood He was a friend, but at this time I thought He had given up on me or was punishing me by all these bad things happening to me. I began to try witchcraft and summon demons. I thought if I could turn evil and play on the dark side people would fear me, the power would be in my control. I wanted that. I thought I would win with the darkness. I became seriously detached from humanity. I was severely depressed and angry to rage full. I put more distance between me and God. Not by God doing it, but me . I gave up on HIM. I grew evil. If I didn't feel anger, I felt nothing. I didn't want to feel , I didn't want emotions, they hurt , so I turned myself numb. At first, I felt good, I had achieved in not feeling anything. That led me to even more evil. I had found a bird in the house, a sparrow ( please don't judge me ) in that numbness I felt nothing-- not even remorse. (( of course now I want to vomit because it makes me ill to think about it)) I killed the sparrow. Shortly afterwards, I was with my family and we were in a car accident. I wasn't wearing my seatbelt and I bounced around in the backseat of the car. My family was ok, not injured because they wore their seat belts. I remember even in the back of the ambulance mocking the accident, asking the paramedic if I had a brain injury. Being told they didn't know. Thankfully I was ok, and got discharged with my family. When I got home I noticed a difference, I felt compassion when my kitty greeted me with worried little eyes. I realized if I had died in that accident I would've without a doubt went straight to hell. That was SCARY!! Later on after the shock wore off and I felt ok, I went straight to my bible! God had delivered me in the accident. He showed me that when the back window in the car broke, He had broken every wall that I had put up , even the wall between Him and I . I began to change immediately and serve Him, reading His word. Making a vow that I would never turn against my Heavenly Father again. The car accident was His wrath , yet He had spared me and had mercy on me. I praise Him that He did. He continues to work on me and heal me. I have repented from ALL I did in that dark stage of my life. Even though I was so far away from God, He was right by my side every breath and never left me. So, if you are hitting rock bottom, do NOT give up on God , He is and always will be right by your side.

Reading what you shared helped me to resolve some issues I've been struggling with not exactly the same nonetheless more the same than not. While I was reading, something else was being written which was simply not available prior. Not for lack of trying but because "trying" was the last thing on my mind...therefore I was in that rare space where "listening" ensues in earnest. It is not a place one can get to on their own by any personal effort or prayer or meditation it is quite simply "Gifted" from "Gift, Given, Gifter". So I must say I am grateful and give thanks to the Giver of all good things that you were the instrument chosen to nudge...prompt...step up boldly in obedience and faith Had you shrunk back...we might not have this revelation of insights here and "Now" perhaps delayed four days or so? Who knows?
Jesus does and so do we now thanks to eyewitnesses...it is when we stop witnessing and giving testimony that we all suffer losses undue.
Thank you for sharing and may God continue to bless you abundantly.

Glory to our Heavenly Father! May all those who think there is a better choice than God , not take that road, course. There is no one greater, bigger or better than God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. All else leads to destruction, even if not now, later on. Be blessed

When He heals, He heals. True healing is a inside job, that only Jesus does, and only the one that was held captive know the awesomeness of freedom. Thank you so much for sharing. I am praising the Lord with you, having walked into freedom also.