ONE NIGHT

Subject: ONE NIGHT Wed Aug 17, 2011 5:26 pm

ONE NIGHT

One strange night cured all of my fears
about my bride of twenty years.
We talked about life and death's events.
About life's final arrangements.

Her voice was soft, like her heart would break.
She whispered," Honey, I'd really like an Irish Wake."
My smile cracked into a loving smirk.
It seems life has tossed me quite a little quirk.

She said,"Tell ya once just want I want and then I'll rest my head."
We shared this oath, and a loving night,then went to bed.
In my dreams that night, when the mind escapes,
were smoky Irish parlors and darkly crimson drapes.

A corner keg, lots of Irish clover,
some corned-beef & cabbage for anyone stop over.
Please make a scene, she'd wish you would.
She shared your griefs and dreams, it's all been good.

When I awoke from that sleepless night,
I asked her there in the bright sunlight.
Shyly she said, "It's not about the party you make."
It's for my very own selfish sake.

You see, after friends and family have gone.
Probably some time around the dawn.
All those arrangements you had to make.
gives me one more night with you and Jake.

Subject: Re: ONE NIGHT Fri Aug 19, 2011 10:54 am

This is a very cute piece you got here, you painted a very sweet image in mind.
I did notice a couple things that could be fixed a little.

She whispered," Honey, I'd really lke an IRISH WAKE."
Like is missing the 'i' in it, also I wouldn't cap the whole 'Irish Wake'

We shared these oath, and a loving night,then went to bed.
Maybe changing 'These oath' to 'this oath.' would flow a little smoother.

some corned-beef & cabbage for anyone stop over
'For anyone to stop over.' would flow a tad better in that line.

Shyly she said, "It's not about the party make."
This last two words in this line seem a bit confusing. ' Party make?' meaning what exactly?

Besides those little things this is a real nice piece, and of course you don't have to make any of the changes, it's just my opinion. :)